Wednesday, March 23, 2016

Leading through difficult but necessary conversations

Barriers to having difficult conversations? See hand out page 3

How do we know when a difficult conversation is necessary?

Incremental conversations - can't expect to force the change with one conversation.
Is it going to get worse before it gets better.

Earn Trust, earn trust, earn trust. Then you can worry about the rest. Seth Godin
Integrity builds trust.
Advancing the best interest of children.
To build trust is to be predictable.

Preparation is the key!!! - See slide for graphic

Suggestion starters - last 3 slide.

Mark Weber - Managing Difficult (Problem Solving) Conversations

Delivering difficult messages

Conversation that you don't know what the right outcome is....need to move to a better place.

No research to support that people learn best from a particular learning style.
Data actually shows - Teaching matters (good, effective, structured, scaffolding technique)

The person is responding to the situation you create for them.

Everyone goes through life asking:
What does a person like me do in a situation like this?
3 levers that can be shifted
- Person like me (can shift ex. prayer before meeting, doctor driving to work vs. doctor driving to son's graduation) Many selves inside everyone
- What type of situation is this? (setting, environment)
- Do - what are the rules (for the most part we are rule followers.)

1. watch high status others
2. practice behavior of high status others
3. habituate behavior
4. calcify

Developed habits to deal with things like conflict into life and the work place.

Identify habit and break out of it.
All difficult conversation have the same underlying structure.
Dynamics make the difficult conversation disastrous
Set of strategies to reduce the stress of difficult conversations

Resource: Difficult conversations; how to discuss what matters most.

Difficult conversations cannot be made easy - that is why they are difficult.
Will the outcome be better or worse.

Critical Psychological Context

1. When beginning a difficult conversation let the other person talk first.
2. Shut up and listen.

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